Communicating in Disagreement
Communication becomes more delicate when a disagreement arises. And yet, by adopting the right posture and consciously using the right tools, the challenge of disagreement becomes an opportunity for all.
This course offers practical advice on how to keep communication calm and constructive in conflict. It also sheds light on our spontaneous attitudes towards conflict.
Are we becoming anxious or too permissive? Are we slipping into an attitude of critical parent or rebellious child?
From disagreement to conflict (7'33)
At the origin of conflict, there is disagreement. Why do we go from disagreement to conflict? Disagreement is normal and can be constructive, while conflict is not. Disagreement arises from a divergence of interests, values, opinions: we do not think like the other person. And, then, from a simple disagreement, we can slip into conflict when 2 additional criteria come together: ONE, the parties are interdependent and TWO, the negative emotions are revealed.
Attitudes towards conflict :Thomas-Kilmann matrix (11'57)
Thomas and Kilmann present 5 attitudes of conflict management along 2 axes. In conflicts are you more determined in the pursuit of your own interests or more motivated to cooperate? Are you more of a shark, a turtle, an ant, a teddy bear, a chameleon? We naturally adopt a privileged attitude when faced with conflict. Each attitude has its advantages and disadvantages.
The 3 brains, stress and conflict (14'53)
You are under stress or in conflict and have less and less control over your thoughts, emotions and reactions?
How can you take back control over your life and rationally manage the stress that burns or inhibits you?
You will better understand what’s happening within you by familiarizing yourself with your 3 brains: the reptilian brain, the limbic brain and the neo-cortex. So which brain has taken control over your life in the middle of your struggles?
Organizing the meeting to resolve the conflict (4'50)
You’ve decided to talk to the person you’re in conflict with. You’re feeling emotionally calm and positive and are clear on the subject and on the options you intend to suggest
We will see how to arrange this meeting: from requesting an appointment to setting the place and time.
Talking to each other to resolve the conflict (6'32)
Resolving a conflict happens inevitably through words.
But how can you express yourself when the relationship has already been shaken up? How can we encourage sharing when grievances are palpable?
I suggest 4 keys to give you the best chances to reach a satisfactory solution for everyone. 4 keys to avoid sinking into the dead-end of conflict. Defining the rules, listening with empathy, opening up to the other, and being solution-oriented.
DESC method / Non violent communication (7'01)
Rosenberg, after many successful experiences in conflict resolution between communities (racial, socio-economic and even political conflicts), teaches in NVC, Non-Violent communication, a method of conflict resolution based on the expression of one’s emotions and needs. The DESC method (Description, Expression, Solution, Conclusion), which is inspired by non-violent communication, is a shortcut to this method.
The "ego states" : parent, adult, child (12'07)
Who comes out during a conflict? The parent in you, the adult in you or the child in you? Who is in charge?
We are going to decipher together what we call the states of the ego: parent, adult, child, that sometimes make it difficult to communicate and manage conflicts with those around us.
Resolving a conflict with a client in 5 steps (11'21)
Do you have a conflict with a client and don’t know how to find common ground so that you don’t lose your client or his money? Here is a 5-step solution to resolve the conflict: ORVSC.
Options, Reformulation, Vision, Solution, Contractualization.